1. Sugar

    I have a love/hate relationship with sugar.  On one hand, I love how it tastes, I love sweet foods like cookies and cakes, and I definitely LOVE milk and white chocolate.  On the other hand, I know that consuming sugar can be almost like being addicted to a drug – eat enough of it and you start to need a “fix”.

    sugar

    I did some preliminary research on sugar and sugar consumption when my trainer recommended that I change my diet to decrease the amount of sugars and carbs I was consuming (including things like HFCS).  I remember him telling me that the first day or two would be great, followed by three or four days of detox torture – headache, dry mouth, etc – and to be prepared.

    OMFG.  That headache was torture and lasted nearly a week.  I was desperately thirsty all the time.  I had the sweats, even when I wasn’t working out.  There was no doubt about it – I had been massively, majorly addicted to sugar. 

    But I came out on the other side feeling energized and happy.  I lost weight over Christmas because I’d so limited my carb intake.  I seriously felt great! 

    But things creep up over time and as the months progressed, I found myself eating more and more indiscriminately.  Handfuls of dark chocolate almonds instead of limiting it to a proper portion. Bread with dinner. Yogurt covered pretzels. I told myself that “just a handful!” wouldn’t kill me.  You can’t feel yourself becoming addicted again.  You think that you’re in charge.

    But, clearly, I’m not in charge. I’m seriously addicted to sugar again and am facing down a potentially miserable detox that needs to happen but will make me miserable in the short term.

    Coincidentally, there was a large segment on 60 Minutes recently about sugar as a toxin.  I recommend both that article and an article from the Huffington Post about the dangers of sugar addiction.  There’s a lot of research yet to be done, but early evidence seems to point at sugar as being a key factor in obesity, heart disease, and cancer. And as someone currently fearing the withdrawal pains, I can certainly vouch for its addictive nature.

  2. Emotional Eating

    This is the third post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found here. 

    As I type this, I am feeling hungry.  Like I could rip open a bag of chips or cookies and devour them all.  I purposely do not have any extra snacks in my office at the moment for this very reason.  When I am in the office, bored, or emotional, I reach for the nearest food that I can consume in quantity and devour it.

    It used to be with junk food; Oreos, Sun Chips, and baked goods were all favorites.  As I’ve gotten healthier, so, for the most part, have my binges – I find myself reaching for dark chocolate almonds, veggie chips, or Chex Mix – but the urge to eat to soothe something within myself has not gone away.  As I talked about recently, this out of control feeling has left me feeling angry and disappointed with myself and anxious about my next binge. 

    Handy Infographic related to Emotional Eating:

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  3. Is Inertia Preventing Me from Moving Forward?

    This is the second post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found here. 

    Yesterday I talked about how I’ve been stalled at about 98 pounds lost, just short of hitting triple digits – a huge milestone.  My trainer has been telling me that it’s normal to plateau every 15 or so pounds now that I’m so close to my goal weight, but I think that, for me, it’s more of a mental game than anything else.

    Per dictionary.com, inertia is defined as “inertness, especially with regards to effort, motion, action, and the like; inactivity; sluggishness”.  This pretty much sums up where I’ve been since mid-February, when I recorded my last drop in weight.  Since then, I’ve been bouncing around between 93 – 98 pounds lost, never quite getting to the major milestone.  And I know what the problem is.  I wasn’t eating like I’m supposed to.  Occasional indulgences became a constant source of snacking by the handful.  I wasn’t sticking to the low-carb diet that I’d agreed to follow with my trainer.  I was being lazy an unfocused, so while I was still working out like a crazy person, I learned the cold, hard truth: you can’t out-exercise a bad diet.

    Food v exercise

    Sad but true. 

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  4. Is Fear Holding Me Back?

    This is the first post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found here. 

    (image via girlatthewell)


    Is Fear Holding Me Back?


    On the surface, no, fear isn’t holding me back.  I’m successfully training for my first half marathon in May and I just ran an 8-mile race.  In addition, I work out with my trainer three times per week and we’ve been pushing through a lot of my limits lately.  I’m trying new foods, new exercises, and conquering some lingering workout fears like using the plyo box for jumps.

    But a little bit deeper, things aren’t so sunny.  My eating and spending have really been veering back into dangerous territory.  I can’t stop myself from “cheating” and overindulging/bingeing or buying things I can’t afford and don’t need.  While I’m not inhaling bags of Cheetos, tortilla chips, and Oreos anymore, I am bingeing on “approved” foods like dark chocolate almonds, low carb cinnamon bread, and veggie chips.

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  5. 2012

    2012 was supposed to be my “year of yes” - saying yes to new experiences, foods, activities, etc.  I was going to reach my goal weight by June, run new races and distances, and I started this blog as a way to get me focused on my theme for the year.  The blog was also supposed to help me focus on the fact that I don’t want fear to hold me back, my weight to be a defense mechanism, or inertia to keep me from making progress towards a happier life.

    So this week I’m working on a 3-month progress check, examining different areas of my life and whether or not I’m successfully navigating my weight loss and my happiness.

    I took the weekend off from the phone and internet - no facebook, no twitter, no tumblr, and minimal time with friends or family - and focused on me.  I cleaned the fridge.  I did 6 loads of laundry.  And I poured my heart out into a notebook (always my go-to when I need to write from the heart) what I’ve been feeling about my life lately.

    Tomorrow’s Post: Is Fear Holding Me Back?

  6. I’m taking a few more days of break from the blog to really think about what I want in my life right now.  I want to come back refreshed and focused on losing the weight, eating right, and becoming more emotionally healthy. (source)

    I’m taking a few more days of break from the blog to really think about what I want in my life right now.  I want to come back refreshed and focused on losing the weight, eating right, and becoming more emotionally healthy.

    (source)

  7. Accountability

    Just had a trickier than usual 3 mile run with my training partner. It involved more hills than either of us are used to and was partly on a trail. We kept up a pretty good pace despite how warm it still was at 6 and made it through just fine.

    At the end, as we were cooling down and walking back to our cars, she said something about how much she hadn’t wanted to run today.

    I hadn’t wanted to run either, but the accountability in place of having a partner kept us both on track and we admitted how glad we were to have gotten our workout on.

    I’ve really missed having that for the last few months and it’s wonderful to have it again. It’s do much easier to lace up the shoes and hit the pavement when I know there’s someone waiting for me.

  8. Jumping on the kale chip bandwagon

    WHY did I resist the kale chip hoopla for so long? 

    I’ve been reading about them in magazines, online, and all over Pinterest, several of my friends are huge fans, and yet, until Sunday night, I’d never caved and tried them myself.

    Well, the next time there is an epic food trend with everyone raving, unless it’s like, goat brains, I won’t be waiting so long to try it.

    I am in LOVE with kale chips!  I had no idea that lettuce could crisp up so delightfully and be so tasty.  

    I found several easy recipes online and then decided to sort of mix them all together.

    Kale chips

    Here’s how I made them.

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  9. Afternoon Inspiration: Foxy This made me laugh.  Had to post it. (image via Lose Weight Safe)

    Afternoon Inspiration: Foxy

    This made me laugh.  Had to post it.

    (image via Lose Weight Safe)

  10. Frustration

    I’ve been able to say “I’ve almost lost 100 pounds” for about a month now and I am tired of it!  The same thing happened as I was approaching ONEderland - I completely stalled just short of my goal.  

    I thought that by simply monitoring my dark chocolate almond intake for Lent that things would sort themselves out, but apparently not. It has to be mental, because there’s no other proper explanation for why I’m not hitting that goal.  I’m eating cleanly (occasional indulgence aside), working out, running, walking the dog twice a day, and am more active than I’ve ever been.  Maybe it’s time to step up the intensity?

    What do you do when you’re stalled just short of a big goal?

About me

One girl's journey to lose 130 pounds and completely reclaim her life.