1. Sugar

    I have a love/hate relationship with sugar.  On one hand, I love how it tastes, I love sweet foods like cookies and cakes, and I definitely LOVE milk and white chocolate.  On the other hand, I know that consuming sugar can be almost like being addicted to a drug – eat enough of it and you start to need a “fix”.


    I did some preliminary research on sugar and sugar consumption when my trainer recommended that I change my diet to decrease the amount of sugars and carbs I was consuming (including things like HFCS).  I remember him telling me that the first day or two would be great, followed by three or four days of detox torture – headache, dry mouth, etc – and to be prepared.

    OMFG.  That headache was torture and lasted nearly a week.  I was desperately thirsty all the time.  I had the sweats, even when I wasn’t working out.  There was no doubt about it – I had been massively, majorly addicted to sugar. 

    But I came out on the other side feeling energized and happy.  I lost weight over Christmas because I’d so limited my carb intake.  I seriously felt great! 

    But things creep up over time and as the months progressed, I found myself eating more and more indiscriminately.  Handfuls of dark chocolate almonds instead of limiting it to a proper portion. Bread with dinner. Yogurt covered pretzels. I told myself that “just a handful!” wouldn’t kill me.  You can’t feel yourself becoming addicted again.  You think that you’re in charge.

    But, clearly, I’m not in charge. I’m seriously addicted to sugar again and am facing down a potentially miserable detox that needs to happen but will make me miserable in the short term.

    Coincidentally, there was a large segment on 60 Minutes recently about sugar as a toxin.  I recommend both that article and an article from the Huffington Post about the dangers of sugar addiction.  There’s a lot of research yet to be done, but early evidence seems to point at sugar as being a key factor in obesity, heart disease, and cancer. And as someone currently fearing the withdrawal pains, I can certainly vouch for its addictive nature.

  2. 2012: Moving Forward

    This is the fourth and final post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found

    This week I’ve been checking in with myself and my progress towards making 2012 the “Year of Yes”.  I’ve had some ups and downs so far in the year, but I think that taking stock and evaluating myself has been helpful and insightful.  It’s helped me re-dedicate and re-focus my energies on my goals and the steps I need to take to reach them.  I’ve realized that I need some serious help in the self-love department, because I can’t seem to fix that on my own.  I’ve developed some better techniques for coping with the compulsion to binge eat.

    I’ve also fully come off of sugar - I started the detox on Sunday, felt like absolute crap Monday and Tuesday, and am now full of energy and ready to keep myself on track regarding carbs and sugars. Will be posting more about that next week.

    Seriously, I jumped up and down yesterday because I was so proud of myself post-workout (I did, at one point, imagine I was high-fiving myself):

    Read More

  3. Emotional Eating

    This is the third post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found here

    As I type this, I am feeling hungry.  Like I could rip open a bag of chips or cookies and devour them all.  I purposely do not have any extra snacks in my office at the moment for this very reason.  When I am in the office, bored, or emotional, I reach for the nearest food that I can consume in quantity and devour it.

    It used to be with junk food; Oreos, Sun Chips, and baked goods were all favorites.  As I’ve gotten healthier, so, for the most part, have my binges – I find myself reaching for dark chocolate almonds, veggie chips, or Chex Mix – but the urge to eat to soothe something within myself has not gone away.  As I talked about recently, this out of control feeling has left me feeling angry and disappointed with myself and anxious about my next binge. 

    Handy Infographic related to Emotional Eating:

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  4. Is Inertia Preventing Me from Moving Forward?

    This is the second post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found here

    Yesterday I talked about how I’ve been stalled at about 98 pounds lost, just short of hitting triple digits – a huge milestone.  My trainer has been telling me that it’s normal to plateau every 15 or so pounds now that I’m so close to my goal weight, but I think that, for me, it’s more of a mental game than anything else.

    Per dictionary.com, inertia is defined as “inertness, especially with regards to effort, motion, action, and the like; inactivity; sluggishness”.  This pretty much sums up where I’ve been since mid-February, when I recorded my last drop in weight.  Since then, I’ve been bouncing around between 93 – 98 pounds lost, never quite getting to the major milestone.  And I know what the problem is.  I wasn’t eating like I’m supposed to.  Occasional indulgences became a constant source of snacking by the handful.  I wasn’t sticking to the low-carb diet that I’d agreed to follow with my trainer.  I was being lazy an unfocused, so while I was still working out like a crazy person, I learned the cold, hard truth: you can’t out-exercise a bad diet.

    Food v exercise

    Sad but true. 

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  5. Afternoon Inspiration: Goals

    Afternoon Inspiration: Goals

  6. Is Fear Holding Me Back?

    This is the first post in a series where I check in on my 2012 goals.  The introductory post is found here

    (image via girlatthewell)

    Is Fear Holding Me Back?

    On the surface, no, fear isn’t holding me back.  I’m successfully training for my first half marathon in May and I just ran an 8-mile race.  In addition, I work out with my trainer three times per week and we’ve been pushing through a lot of my limits lately.  I’m trying new foods, new exercises, and conquering some lingering workout fears like using the plyo box for jumps.

    But a little bit deeper, things aren’t so sunny.  My eating and spending have really been veering back into dangerous territory.  I can’t stop myself from “cheating” and overindulging/bingeing or buying things I can’t afford and don’t need.  While I’m not inhaling bags of Cheetos, tortilla chips, and Oreos anymore, I am bingeing on “approved” foods like dark chocolate almonds, low carb cinnamon bread, and veggie chips.

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  7. 2012

    2012 was supposed to be my “year of yes” - saying yes to new experiences, foods, activities, etc.  I was going to reach my goal weight by June, run new races and distances, and I started this blog as a way to get me focused on my theme for the year.  The blog was also supposed to help me focus on the fact that I don’t want fear to hold me back, my weight to be a defense mechanism, or inertia to keep me from making progress towards a happier life.

    So this week I’m working on a 3-month progress check, examining different areas of my life and whether or not I’m successfully navigating my weight loss and my happiness.

    I took the weekend off from the phone and internet - no facebook, no twitter, no tumblr, and minimal time with friends or family - and focused on me.  I cleaned the fridge.  I did 6 loads of laundry.  And I poured my heart out into a notebook (always my go-to when I need to write from the heart) what I’ve been feeling about my life lately.

    Tomorrow’s Post: Is Fear Holding Me Back?

  8. I’m taking a few more days of break from the blog to really think about what I want in my life right now.  I want to come back refreshed and focused on losing the weight, eating right, and becoming more emotionally healthy.


    I’m taking a few more days of break from the blog to really think about what I want in my life right now.  I want to come back refreshed and focused on losing the weight, eating right, and becoming more emotionally healthy.


  9. "Be daring, be different, be impratical; be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary."

    Cecil Beaton

    I’ve been a slave of the ordinary lately.  And that needs to change.

    More to come.

  10. Yorktown Victory Run

    Finished up the 8-miler just before the pouring rain hit this morning.  Kept a pretty consistent 12:25/mile pace and felt great.  Definitely teared up a little bit in the last mile, overwhelmed by the pride and accomplishment I felt for myself.  Also, my previous trainer was running back to help me run the last bit, just like she did last year.

    I am too tuckered out to do a full recap now, but will have something up on the blog soon!

About me

One girl's journey to lose 130 pounds and completely reclaim her life.